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Saturday 27 March 2010

nothin' says sexy like pearl beans...

hey baby, you're looking sexy tonight... in your sexy beige knitted sleeves...with pearl beans... aw yeah... *cue bad PRON music from 70's PRON*

http://www.folksy.com/items/105970

Forgive our ignorance, but me and the Oxford English Dictionary understood a shrug to be "A woman's short jacket or sweater open down the front." We clearly hadn't appreciated that "short" can mean "non-existant". I mean, I "sleeve-shrug" doesn't exist. If it's not a jumper then it's a shrug. If it's not a shrug THEN IT IS JUST KNITTED SLEEVES.

The OED and I are also puzzled about "decolette" and we're neither of us sure that we want it made around our neck, wide or not.

Above all, we would rather not pay £60 (sorry - £59.99) for 2 sleeves.

hunting high & low

This morning I am pretty much just hunting around on Folksy to see what there is - trying lots of different keyword searchs to see what glory abounds in the form of utter shite and there are some real stinkers. But I have to say that there are also some lovely - if absurdly overpriced - items around. I mean, £250 for lined single curtains? Really?

I also wanted to say that if you find a good item worthy of some public dissection/ritual humiliation, drop me a message with the link.

"Guess what everyone, I menstruate!!!"

http://www.folksy.com/items/359529-Tampon-Purse-Keyring-by-SaxyJax


Sweet Moses, I am the most disorganised person I know and yet even I manage to keep a tampon stashed somewhere in each of my handbags and purses JUST IN CASE.

However, if you are the sort of person who can't even manage that and whose monthly visit by Aunt Maude from Red River ALWAYS takes you by immediate suprise, you might like to get your hands on one of these. Unless, of course, you also manage to lose your keys all the time and then your best bet is probably to staple a box of Always Plus With Wings to your jumper and never be more than a room away from the toilet.

Thursday 25 March 2010

Another cup of clown, mother?

http://www.folksy.com/items/75225

If the best you can say about your art is that it's very sturdy then p'raps you need to rethink what you're making, and why.

I mean, fair dues, you're experimenting with medium and materials but forfuxsake, don't put up sloppy crap that my toddler could have made and try to explain it as a first go.

Wonder Skirt?

Wonder Skirt Powers, ACTIVATE!!!
Form of... a SKIRT!
Form of... pink offcuts stuck to your butt!

Seriously, the only "wonder" element to this skirt is wondering why on earth anyone would want to walk around with fluorescent tangrams and ribbons appliqued onto one's booty.

http://www.folksy.com/items/111666

making a mountain out of a... mountain?

Dear would-be fashion designers of plus-size clothing,

If you decide you want to venture into the Reubenesque market, here's a little secret: fat girls don't want to look fatter than they are. I say this with personal authority and I'm nowhere near a 30-32.

And here's another little observation which might suprise you: women are not tabletops to be covered in crocheted malarkey.

For realz, this is neither beautiful NOR sexy. It is not charming. And the border? Is not effective.

http://www.folksy.com/items/381305-Plus-size-top-for-spring-beautiful-and-sexy-30-32-

Wednesday 24 March 2010

BOOBIES

I have to say, I am a breast woman. Show me a fine set of girls well supported and flattered in a top and vavavoom! I appreciate the significance of the female form. I was a lactivist who breastfed my son until he was 2. So you'll understand that when someone puts up a painting of circles and calls it a breast, this winds me up.

http://www.folksy.com/items/355185

"This is bold and confident pice of Artwork. It was originally part of 2sets. The first being true to the PopArt style, one of 4 paintings is different bright colours."

I don't even understand what that means. All I know - from having studied Pop Art - is that if you think it's just about using bright colours then you are sorely mistaken.

Actually, I take it back. It is confident. But not in a good way. More in a misled, misguided way...